Me and my friend Ayla at the Symphony last night. It was really fun. They played music from the former Czechoslovakia. I hadn’t been to the symphony in almost two years, so it was really great going again.
This is my second article for Autostraddle! This is the one I submitted when they had an open call for articles written by trans women. It’s about how I navigate life while having body issues that stem from both being trans and from being fat and just big overall. It’s more of a personal essay than the other and I was really nervous to have it be on such a prominent stage. Before I got a tumblr I never talked about how I felt about my body. Again, if any trans ladies feel like I messed up, please call me out on it.
Despite adoring the outfit she’d chosen, the 18-year-old transwoman from Trenton, Ont., considered not going to the prom at all, worried her peers might say something nasty or rude. She never expected they would name her prom queen.
“It was absolutely unreal. I’ll definitely remember that moment forever,” said Ferguson, who was crowned queen at Trenton High School on June 22.
“The cheers from classmates was overwhelming as well … So much support I cannot even put it into words.”
Having been inspired by all the wonderful fatties in their bikinis in places like Hey, Fat Chick! and Fuck Yeah, Fat Positive (and maybe Fuck Yeah, Chubby Fashion? I don’t remember), I got this suit. I wanted a full bikini, but this tankini one was too cute, fit me too well, actually gives me support on top and was too damn affordable ($19!) to pass up. I LOVE THIS SUIT. In fact, I’ve been wearing the top part around as a shirt because I LOVE IT SO MUCH. ALL THE LOVES. The colors are gorgeous, the print is gorgeous, the cut is fabulous, and I love the little bow. The top is a size 24 and the bottoms are a size 20. (I haz big boobs.)
my journey of self love led me to this fatkini début earlier this year. i didn’t have a fatkini to wear (i`m not really sure that i’m a fatkini kind of gay, glitter short shorts and titz out is more my speed) but i worked with what i had (as per) and i looked damn fine. this was the day i finally gave the public world the pleasure of gazing upon my hot juicy beach bod and i felt really scared while i was doing it. since then i’ve been getting more comfortable with it and now i’d pretty much walk around naked if i could because i’m fucking over hiding my body to make other people comfortable. for my entire life, i’ve felt so much pressure from the world around me to conceal and hide my body and i internalized it in really weird and fucked up ways, it feels really powerful and healing to just do my thing now. i hope if you want to do this too, you try it out! i used to wear hoodies all summer and now i’m all thunder thighs and double chins and loving ever minute of it.
i just try to remember this about the haters: they are just sad. their words and responses are products of a body shaming culture that is racist, classist, ableist and deeply misogynist (and cissexist, duh). this is the culture that prevails when i continue to feel ashamed and cover my body, this is the culture that prevails when i am invisible. but most of all, sad, body shaming haters are totally fucking irrelevant to my fabulous obese lifestyle.
This is my new beach outfit. I was inspired by heyfatchick & other fat fashion blogs on here and when I saw this skirt, I knew it would fit right in and I had to have it. The problem is, I don’t have many other things that really go with it. But I was dying to wear it, so here’s the best I could do, esp. because I was visiting my “it’s complicated” & I didn’t have most of my wardrobe. The top & skirt were items I chose for my birthday. (Hooray for birthday clothes!) The top is my new exercise shirt (it has a little pocket for my iPod Touch) & kinda goes, the black straps underneath is my swimsuit. (The funny/ironic part is that I feel more comfortable swimming & sunning in the nude than in my suit, so it all comes off when I get to the beach.) The pics with the wall with the graffiti are taken outside the building that they shot/set the movie Clerks in… no lie! The coconut popsicle I’m eating came from the actual convenience store. (Yes, I’m a nerd. :-D)
Oh, and the ball is the ammo for the largest muzzleloading cannon ever made, the Rodman Gun. You can see the cannon in one of the other photos.
And FWIW, I’m genderfluid, but an outfit like this makes me feel all girl/woman. And I love it. :-)
Shirt: Walmart (I hate that it’s one of the only places I can find clothes I like, that fit me, that I can afford. I just don’t have the emotional wherewithall to go thrifting all the time… not to mention most thrift stores around here have very little in my size. Let alone how hard it is to find exercise clothing at all in my size at a price I can afford.)