Anonymous asked: I have to say I totally love your blog and any blog that empowers people to feel good about themself however. It feels like people like me whe are not plus size,get bashed to make larger women feel better. And it's frustrating because if I say "I feel fat" that doesn't mean I'm putting you down it just means that's how I feel about myself and it like has nothing to do with you. Am I wrong and should I shut up because I'm not a big girl? Why does your self esteem come at the cost of my dignity?
"It feels like people like me whe are not plus size,get bashed to make larger women feel better." - That has never happened here (and very very rarely happens in the fat activist circles I frequent), but I’ll answer this anyway.
Ragen Chastain over at Dances with Fat just wrote about feeling fat v being fat, so I’m going to borrow a quote from her:
It’s a bit like saying “I only have $10,000 left in my bank account, I’m so poor!” in front of a homeless person. You may feel that way and you are allowed to say it, but I think it’s a monumentally insensitive thing to do.
I’m not saying you’re not allowed to acknowledge your insecurities. Maybe your jeans are tighter than they were, maybe you feel bloated, maybe you feel guilty for not exercising, or maybe you have a general feeling that your body is not good enough for whatever reason. That’s fine. To quote Tavi Gevinson:
Feminism [or in this case, fat activism] isn’t about pretending we all feel like Wonder Woman, it’s about being honest when we don’t, and having the conversation on why that is.
However, fat is not a feeling. When you say “I feel fat”, you are using it as a catch-all for any and all negative feelings you have about your body. Can you not see how that would be offensive to an actual fat person?
I recognise that you may not be doing this intentionally. It’s possible to hate your own body while accepting the bodies of others. That said, you’re not off the hook. Words mean things. When you say “I feel fat”, you are perpetuating the idea that fat = bad.
In short, why does your insecurity come at the cost of our dignity?