“At some point in your adult life, you’ve probably walked into a party and felt a frisson of relief upon discovering at least one woman there who was fatter, uglier, and/or dressed more inappropriately than you. We sure have. But if you want to have any hope of making peace with your own body, you need to knock that shit off.
We’re not even telling you to stop just because it’s nasty, petty, and beneath you to judge other women so harshly; it is, but because you’re not a saint, and neither are we. We’re telling you to stop because it’s actually in your own self-interest to stop being such a bitch. ‘Cause you know what happens when you quit saying that crap about other women? You magically stop saying it about yourself so much, too.
Judging other women negatively creates a constant stream of nasty thoughts in your head. It is inevitable that you will end up applying those same standards to yourself. We think we’re building ourselves up when we do this but, really, we’re just tearing other people down to our level. And we hate to go all Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood on you, but tearing other people down isn’t really productive. It leaves you in the same place you started, which is full of loathing for your own body.”” —
Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby
[I am in a bit of a rush and haven’t properly thought about how I want to attack this, and also probably don’t have as much time as I’d like to get all my thoughts out but I’ll write what’s in my head now.]
I think that sometimes I might overcompensate being read as feminine by pulling “ugly” faces in photos or more often posting my face, and not trying to look “cute”. taking photos of my body is hard for me. not because I’m fat, but because I know that people will automatically read me as feminine and I am not comfortable with that. I may look it, but I don’t feel feminine.
it’s not my overall appearance that I’m not okay with, it’s the assumptions that are made about my identity due to the way I look.
I am female but not feminine. I am femme but not feminine. there can be a difference, and if there wasn’t before then I’ve just created it for myself now.
fatshion blogs are full of dresses and babes in heels and flats and boobs and hips and legs. I feel like it’s really important to point out that there are also fat babes who don’t always love dresses or skirts. there are female fat babes who don’t always want to wear what they are “supposed” to. there are also fat people who only WANT to wear jeans and t-shirts, not because that’s all they can find.
I’m not saying that there is a dividing line between queer and feminine, that’s ludicrous. there are absolutely feminine queers who exist, I would not deny that. what I am saying is that my queer identity is completely on par with my fat identity and that I exclude myself from a lot of the femininity that I find on fat blogs. there is definitely a lean towards femininity in fat blogs, fashion orientated or not. I feel hesitant to post photos of my body because I wouldn’t be comfortable with being reblogged by specific fat blogs who are out to showcase fat femininity and “how bigger girls can still be cute”.
no, I am not here as your example or inspiration. I have no interest in clothing and it’s important to take note that not all fat self-identified female bodied people are into “flattering” clothing. some of us are just interested in being fat, and teaching ourselves that it’s okay to be comfortable with that… stilettos or not.
ok ty xoxox
YES a million times YES! There definitely needs to be more dialogue about fat bodies who don’t want frilly dresses and hyper stylized outfits…SO TALK MORE ABOUT IT LOVER <3
I think what I still don’t understand about the way people view fat bodies is that fat female identifying bodies are desexualized and unfeminine (due to lack of the ever desired hourglass figure) but fat male identifying bodies are seen as feminine and therefore unappealing.
I think the thing that I’ve been saying is that there are fat fatshion blogs and fat politics blogs but we’re still not talking about how we FEEL about our clothes and our identities enough or at least, I’m not seeing this dialogue. I know fashion can be trivialized but I do think there’s a lot to be said about fat bodies that don’t express themselves in crinolines ;) There’s a lot to be said about fat bodies who feel obligated to dress in heels and whatnot as an excuse for their bodies and not because that’s what their spirits beckon….I mean I just bleed glitter and lace so its a natural thing for me but I know there are fat bodies that perform a certain way because it disguises their fat.
Tshirts and jean shorts is a statement too. I want to hear more about it!!!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and my heart goes crazy when you post fat rants <3 xoxo